THE FAMILY CIRCUS: Tent Campers of America, Untie! (That’s not a typo)

I’ve been misinformed.  In the noble days of camping yesteryear, tents were the only way any self-respecting camper would go.  Now it seems that most “campers” prefer taking their homes with them to the great outdoors, hauling TV, microwave, refrigerator, shower, electricity, chilled champagne and caviar and all the comforts of home with them to the Great Outdoors.

Cheating much?

Popping up like overnight mushrooms are tent trailers, towed trailers, mobile homes and those cursed monstrosities called “Recreational Vehicles”—RVs for short – that cost more than a college education.

Pond Scum?

I mean, you could ferry an entire herd of horses in most of these things. Not to mention the sun roof, swimming pool, hot tub and lighted tennis courts they’re hauling around behind.

Mere mention of the word “tent” to any of them high falutin’, high rolling, mortgaged-up-to-their eyebrows RV wusses and they’ll either whack you off at the knees or stare right through you as if pondering a particularly inferior form of pond scum.

The Good ‘Ole Days

Whatever happened to the good ole days of yesteryear, when “camping”meant four tent stakes, a bedroll and a slab of canvas?  Forgot your canvas.? Not to worry.  Nothing like sleeping out under the stars to commune with nature, gnats, dirt, and every rock, prickly fir cone, cannibalistic critter and sharp stick known to man.

For the uninitiated like yours truly, it seems like it would be easier to bring the campground to the old homestead than it would be to bring the entire house-on-wheels to the campground.

Real Campers

Not so with camper wannabees, or anyone who brings their home with them to a campground.  Because as any Real Camper will tell you, there’s one and only one way to achieve True Camperdom status: a tent.  Nothing else qualifies.

Air mattresses?  Pshaw!  Mosquito netting?  Naw.  Artificial heat source?  No way.  Electricity?  Running water?  Get real. 

Real Campers sneer at such wimpy concessions to modernity and convenience.

Indeed, a Real Camper knows that chattering teeth, scorched skin, head-to-toe mosquito bites, odiferous footwear that’d stop a Sasquatch, poison ivy rashes, bumps, blisters, and bruises are all part of the adventure.

Wear them like the Badges of Honor they are.

So remember, friends. This summer’s rallying cry is:

Tent campers of America, Untie!

Who’s in?


Join us soon for our next installment of The Family Circus: Rookies, Robbers, & Commandments.





Image credit – Pond Scum. CC by 2.0


Image Credit – Sasquatch. CC by 2.0.


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